Random Nanoha One Shots
by Dracyllion
Summary: Humorous Nanoha one shots taking place somewhere within the StrikerS timeline.
1. Multipurpose Device

Funny(?) Nanoha One Shots

Inspired by Satashi's Nanoha one shots (SNL, a digital short), I decided to try doing some funny one shots myself. Which ended up reminding me why I don't write comedy. But I'll just put them up here anyway so you can laugh, if not at the stories then at least at the author's lack of creativity and/or sense of humor.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Nanoha series or any of the characters.

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**Graf Eisen - Multipurpose Device:**

Vita was resting in the lounge after the day's training when Nanoha came to her with a request.

"Vita-chan, could I borrow Graf Eisen for a while?"

"Why?" Vita knew she couldn't exactly reject her captain's, and dear friend's, plead but she didn't want to seem too eager.

"Um...just something. Please?" If it hadn't been Nanoha, Vita might've realized that something was weird, but questioning her of all people was not something Vita would have even considered.

"Fine, but treat him well." And with that she handed her device over to the brown haired girl.

"Thanks, Vita-chan!"

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It had been hours since Nanoha had come to borrow Graf Eisen from her and Vita was starting to get impatient. When she could no longer take it, she decided to pay a little visit to Nanoha's room.

When she arrived at Nanoha's room, she noticed the door open. Knocking as she entered, she was met by a horrifying sight.

Nanoha and Fate were in the middle of the room building...something. Using Graf Eisen as a hammer.

"Ah, Vita-chan? Is something wrong? Oh, don't tell me you need Graf Eisen back already?" Nanoha didn't even flinch, even though she'd been caught red handed.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing with my Eisen?!?" Vita's scream echoed in the room.

"Uh...Nanoha? You didn't tell her what we needed Graf Eisen for?" Fate whispered to her friend in a concerned voice. Nanoha merely shook her had as an answer.

"But you know, Vita-chan, we just couldn't find a hammer no matter how hard we looked. And we really need one. See, we're building a cradle." Nanoha smiled proudly showing Vita the thing they'd been working on.

"And Graf Eisen even has a Drillform, it's the perfect tool." Nanoha lifted Graf Eisen above her head.

**'Drillform'**

Graf Eisen's head quickly changed it's form from that of a hammer into a double headed drill.

"Eeeeh??!" The look of shock on Vita's face clearly indicated that she had had no idea of such a thing.

"You...you didn't know about it, Vita-chan?" Nanoha sounded a bit suprised by the fact. "Then what about the other forms, like the Can-opener-form or the Electric-mixer-form?"

"Um...Nanoha, I don't think your helping much here..." Fate whispered worriedly.

"Eisen...My Eisen..." Vita was still in a state of shock as she went to squat in one corner of the room mumbling to herself.

"Nanoha, what do we do? I've never seen Vita like that..."

"Don't you think there's someone else we should be worrying about instead?"

"Someone else? Like who?" Fate's face showed a puzzled expression as she tried to figure out what Nanoha had meant.

Just then, a furious scream erupted from the corner. "I'll **KILL** that Shari!!!"

And with that Vita stormed out of the room, incidentally forgetting Graf Eisen.

"See?"

"Yeah...But won't it be too late to tell Shari **after** Vita's found her?"

"I guess...But let's finish this first, 'kay?" Nanoha turned back to the cradle-in-making continuing to work on it.

"Sure." For some reason, all the worry in Fate's voice vanished the instant she began working on the cradle again.

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Sigh...I guess I'm just not fit for writing comedy.

I'm not sure if I'll ever write more of these, but if I do, I'll put them up in here.

Oh, and if you haven't already, you should go read Satashi's 'SNL, a digital short', those one shots are sooooo hilarious.


	2. Graf Eisen  Again

Funny(?) Nanoha One Shots

Okay, here's another one. I was thinking of making something new and fresh, but instead ended up making more about Graf Eisen.

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**Graf Eisen – Everyone should have one **

Vita was, once again, hanging out in the lounge after the the day's training when Vice walked up to her.

"Hey, Vita-chan, what's up?"

THUNK

"Ouch, hey, that hurt! Why'd you kick me?"

"Only Hayate and Nanoha can call me that."

Vita thought for a moment.

"And Shamal..."

More thinking.

"And..."

"Right, right." Vice interrupted her. "Anyhow, could you borrow me your Graf Eisen?"

Vita's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Uh, well, that is...You see...there's this helicop-"

"No!" Vita's eyes flashed dangerously.

"No?" Vice sighed but decided to leave it at that. "Okay, I get it. See ya." And with that he was gone.

A while passed and just as Vita was starting to get relaxed again, the forwards, with Subaru in lead, came up to her.

"Vice-captain Vita, umm, could we, like, maybe borrow your device?" The blue haired girl's voice was just a bit nervous and the rest of the forwards were practically hiding behind her.

"What?!"

"Well...we heard it has all kinds of cool modes. Like the the Megaphoneform."

"And the Propellerform!" Elio added sounding intrigued.

"I heard it even has a Karaokeform!" Teana beamed, and Caro was nodding furiously.

"E-eh!?!" Vita didn't know where the forwards had heard such things, but she had a pretty good idea._ This time I'll really kill that Shari..._

"So...can we?" Subaru was too lost in her own fantasies concerning Graf Eisen to even notice how Vita's eyes were gaining a threatening glint to them.

"No!"

"Please?" Subaru should've known better than to press it...

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!" The last 'no' Vita screamed at the top of her lungs sending the forwards scurrying away from her as fast as they could.

"Haah-haahhh..." Vita was panting, having used up all the air in her lungs.

Signum, who had noticed the scene, decided to see what was going on.

"Vita, what was that all about?" Hearing familiar voice, Vita turned to face her fellow knight, still somewhat out of breath.

"Signum...It's terrible. Ever since that one incident, people just keep coming to me asking to borrow my Graf Eisen. It's like they think it's just a tool, or something. And it's all that damned Shari's fault. I swear, the next time someone comes asking for Eisen, I'll hammer them down for good!"

"I see. I guess that would be problematic. But if it's Shari's fault, how about having her take care of it?"

"Ah!" Vita hadn't even thought of that, having been too busy imagining all the horrible things she'd do to Shari.

But before she could put the plan into motion, a new voice from behind her caught her attention.

"Vita-chan! Say, can I borrow-"

Having had enough of that kind of talk for the day, Vita called out to her device while swinging around.

"Eisen!"

**'Hammerform'**

"Vita, wai-" Signum tried to stop her, but...

THUNK

"...t" ...she was too late.

"Huh?" Vita realized just who it had been she'd hit. "Geh!"

Lying on the floor out cold, stars flying around her head was no other than Nanoha herself.

Signum let out a deep sigh and buried her face in her hands.

"...borrow...some of...your...manga, Vita-chan?" Nanoha was mumbling, only half-conscious.

The words froze Vita in place.

"Ooops..." Was all she could say.

Signum on the other hand, raised her head, a devious grin forming on her face.

"Oh my, Vita...You read _that_ kind things?"

"Sh-shut up!" Vita blushed all the way to her ears, knowing Signum would not simply let her off the hook so easily. Not after that time she had caught her putting on makeup in secret, and told everyone about it. Signum had been too embarrassed to show her face for a whole week.

Vita gulped.

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Well, I guess that's enough of Graf Eisen for some time now. I'll try to come up with something fresh for the next one. On a sidenote, I want (a) Graf Eisen. Sounds like such a handy thing to have, doesn't it?


	3. Let Me Comfort You

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

Takes place after MGLNS 13.

I just had to write this after I had the idea...It's about our adorable little chibi, Reinforce Zwei.

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**Reinforce – Let Me Comfort You**

It was a day like any other, the sun was shining, birds were singing, and the atmosphere was cheery. On such a day, it wasn't odd to find people going around happily, doing various chores while chatting with others.

It was on that kind of a day that Vita and Rein were sent to the town by Hayate to do some shopping. They had been almost done when Rein noticed something that caught her attention.

It was a small jewelry booth, that had beautiful rings and necklaces among other things. She only went to take a look, but when she turned back Vita was already gone.

Rein knew she was in trouble, but since they'd already been separated, she thought it wouldn't matter if she gave the jewelry booth another look.

Rein was still looking at the jewelry when a somewhat familiar voice addressed her.

"You...You're that unison device from before!!"

Rein turned around to find the hot-tempered unison device from before floating in the air facing her.

"Oh! It's you."

"This time...This time I'll burn you to crisp!!" Small fireballs were starting to appear around the redheaded unison device.

"Oh, I love you too." Rein flashed a charming smile at Agito.

"E-eh?!?" This took Agito totally by suprise, and the fireballs vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Let's get along, 'kay?" Rein slowly started advancing towards the other unison device, who was also floating in air.

"W-wait, co-come again?!" The redhead tried backing away, but ended up with a wall against her back in a dead-end alley instead.

Rein gave her another enchanting smile, purring softly.

"Ooooh, I'm so excited about meeting you again, aren't you? I've never met another like me..."

"He-hey, don't try to relate to me!! You couldn't possibly know what it's like to be a unison device without a Lord!" Agito tried to mentally push the advancing Rein away, but of course it didn't work.

"Oh, poor you. It must've been so hard on you. There, there, it's okay to cry."

Rein had finally cornered the blushing Agito and was petting her head softly.

"Uh, um, uh..." The redhead was too nervous and embarrassed to even voice her objections when Rein suddenly hugged her.

"It'll be okay. I won't let them hurt you."

Agito who had always been acting tough, was now about to break down in tears. She couldn't quite understand what was going on, but she felt she could trust this silver-haired girl.

She felt like they could get along, understand and support each other. It was a new and refreshing feeling for Agito. How ever short-lived it ended up.

"There, there...I'll make you feel better." Rein was rubbing the other girl's back whispering softly.

"And...Done!"

Agito felt a strange chill run through her body, and before she could even yelp, icy chains sprung forth from the air and bound her tightly.

"Eh?! What's this?!" She tried to struggle free, but the chains of ice held her in place.

A devilish grin rose to Rein's lips.

"Ha, got you! And this time you're not getting away!"

Agito burst into fiery rage from the betrayal.

"You-you planned this!?!"

Rein's expression instantly changed into that of an innocent child as she nodded.

"Yeah. I did, didn't I." A smile.

Agito struggled with all her might, trashing in the air, but she couldn't break free.

"Release me! Release me this moment, or I'll burn you to cinders!!"

"Oh, I think not. That bind cannot be melted with fire, in fact it only gets stronger from that. You could say it's a special anti-fire bind." Another smile.

"Aaah- let go! Let me go!!"

Agito kept trashing about while screaming until she had used up all her energy, after which she reluctantly calmed down.

Just as Agito had calmed down, Vita rushed into the alley.

"Where is she, Rein?!"

Rein merely pointed at the bound Agito.

"What!? You already apprehended her? Tch..." Vita, after receiving a mental message from Rein, had rushed to site only to find the action was already over. It was evident she wasn't content with Rein's actions, and she wasn't afraid to voice her objections.

"First you go wandering off on your own, and then call me for nothing?!"

"Sorry, Vita-chan...But I can't really carry her on my own, and..."

"I get it, I get it! Let's just go back already, I finished the shopping on my own."

"Yes! I'm sure Hayate will be happy."

Rein had a very suspicious smile on her face, fantasizing about what she would get from Hayate for today's heroics, while Vita picked Agito up and they left the alley to return back to their mistress.

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Because we all know Reinforce is really a little seductress, right? She's just acting all nice and decent. You wouldn't believe the things she does when the lights go out...

Well, that aside, she's just too adorable not to write about.


	4. Section Six Secrets  Part 1

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

While thinking of ideas to write about, I decided to start digging up the darkest secrets of Section Six, since everybody loves secrets, no?

So, here comes the first one.

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**Mobile Section Six's Secrets – Part 1 – Case named Erio Mondial**

The forwards of the Mobile Section Six were, as usual, happily enjoying their lunchtime together.

"Say, Erio..." Subaru somehow managed to get the words out despite the fact she was busy stuffing food into her mouth.

"You said you were raised in the Bureau's Main office, right?" This earned the straightforward girl a nasty glare from her partner.

"Yeah. Although, in fact, I've never been there." This drew some confused looks from the others, so Erio went ahead to explain.

"Actually, it's just a lie Fate-san came up with. She couldn't exactly tell the Bureau, or Commander Hayate for that matter, that she was going to take a gangster as a subordinate, now could she?"

Everybody stared at him dumbly. What he had said just made no sense to any of them.

"Huh? What are you talking about, Erio-kun?" Teana was the first one to regain her wits and proceeded to demand an explanation.

"Oh, just that before I came here, I wasn't exactly a 'good' citizen. I used to be quite a trouble maker back then...Had me a gang, even." There wasn't a hint of humor in his voice

"Eh--?!?" Subaru was astounded by this sudden revelation, and Caro could only stare at her best friend's face trying to determine whether he was joking or not.

Teana on the other hand seemed suprisingly calm about all of it. Then, after watching the other two's reactions for a while, she burst out laughing.

"Ha, ha-haa! Th-that was a good one, Erio-kun." Subaru and Caro didn't quite seem to understand the sudden development the situation had taken.

"Uh...Tea?"

"Ha-haaa... What? You didn't seriously believe all that? Haa-ha!" Teana was holding her stomach, laughing so hard she had tears forming in her eyes.

"Huh? You mean--?" Subaru turned back to Erio, who had a huge grin on his face.

"Ehh--?!?" Subaru finally caught up on the situation, and her cheeks flushed bright red from embarrassment. Caro, on the other hand, seemed more relieved than embarrassed.

"That was a really good one, Erio. Almost had me there." Teana congratulated the boy, after the laughing fit had finally passed.

"Wasn't it?" Erio still had a victorious grin all over his face.

"Gee..." Subaru was still clearly angry about having been fooled.

"It's because you're so gullible." Teana's comment earned a grunt from Subaru.

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Later that day, while studying, Subaru accidentally came upon an article about a mass-homicide incident in an orphanage in the capital of Mid-Childa.

Reading the article, she learned the incident had happened four years ago, around the same time she had been saved by Nanoha.

Apparently, all the people in the orphanage had been slaughtered mercilessly with a knife. Evidently the work of a psychopath.

The article stated that the culprit hadn't been captured. The prime suspect had been the only orphan whose body wasn't found – Morio Endial. There had been no sightings of him after the incident, though, so the investigation had met a dead end.

"Huh? Wait--? Morio Endial..." The name somehow caught Subaru's attention. It reminded her of something...someone.

It had a very familiar ring to it, too. The answer was right there, right in front of her, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't reach it. After a while, she simply gave up.

"Oh, well...Maybe I was mistaken." With that, she continued where she had left off her studying, efficiently forgetting everything about the article in a matter of seconds.

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He hee... Erio's dark past has been revealed (Or has it?)! Now, after writing this, I wonder if I should write one about Signum (The incident mentioned on the 2. chapter). But I doubt it'd be anything spectacular.

I also thought if I should put info on my current projects on my profile page, but...Maybe one day.


	5. Call Me Mistress

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

Well, I started writing this one without any ideas, and it pretty much took shape by itself.  
Still, I think it shaped up quite well for something I never planned for. I don't usually start writing unless I have at least a vague idea of what I'm going to write. It does happen, though.

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**Call me Mistress!  
**

Nanoha and Fate were leisurely walking around the Section Six's training grounds when they suddenly heard a huge boom.

"Nanoha."  
"Yeah."

The two nodded in understanding and changed their course to go see what was going on. As soon as they arrived at the scene, another loud boom filled the air.

"Yaaah!!" Vita raised her device high and charged at her opponent.  
"Mach Caliber..." Subaru was was also charging right at Vita, with no concern for her own safety, whatsoever.  
"...Divine Buster!" The blue haired girl released the attack only moments before the two clashed together.  
"Eisen, break through it!" The little red haired girl yelled, swinging down with all her might.

BOOM

With a loud crash, the two separated once more, starting to circle each other looking for openings.

"They sure are going at it." Nanoha sounded slightly amused.  
"Seems so. I wonder how long they've been at it, already?"  
"Who knows..." The two quietly turned back to the show.

It was apparent, though, that the two had been going at it for some time.  
Both were sweating profusely and panting hard.

"Say, Fate-chan?" Nanoha was the one to break the silence.  
"What?" The blonde turned her gaze from the battle to her friend.  
"How about a little bet?" There was a mischievous glint in Nanoha's eyes.  
"A bet?"  
"Yeah. About who's going to get the first hit through."

So far, neither of the combatants had gotten any attacks through. They had merely been hammering each other, hoping to break through their opponent's barrier.

"But it won't be much of a bet, if we both bet on Vita", Fate stated the obvious.  
"And if I said, I'd bet on Subaru?"  
"Eh--?! You would? But we both know she can't beat Vita, at least not yet."  
A grin appeared on Nanoha's face as she saw Fate's reaction.  
"Do we, now? So, you up for it?"  
Fate hesitated for a moment, but it was far too good of an opportunity to pass.  
"And the stakes?"  
"The loser has to do what the winner tells her to for the rest of the day."  
A devious grin.  
"You sure about that?" A grin similar to Nanoha's started forming on the blonde's face.  
"Yeah. You game?"  
"You bet." The two were broadly grinning at each other, both sure of their victory.

Meanwhile, the fight had settled down, and the two were eyeing each other, trying to catch their breath. Then, as if by some kind of an agreement, they both sprang forward at the same time.

The battle had dragged on for too long and they knew this would be the last attack that would decide everything. There was going to be no holding back anymore. There was just no need. It would end with this.

Just before the two were about to collide, Nanoha made her move.  
"Hey, Vita-chan! Vita-chan!!" She called out for the redhead, waving her hand in air.  
"Nanoha?" As if by reflex, Vita's head turned toward the voice, giving Subaru just the opening she needed.

As a result, Vita ended up flying, hitting a nearby tree hard. Fate, not quite satisfied with the end result, turned her friend.  
"Hey, that's cheating! No fair!"  
Nanoha stuck out her tongue, "Hey, no rules, no cheating."  
"Gee..." Fate's pouting face only made Nanoha's grin broaden.  
"It's my win. Now you'll have to obey me for the rest of the day, as per our bet."  
"Haaa-h...Fine, I get it." Fate's sudden submissive behaviour made Nanoha giggle.  
She had already had a pleasurable morning and she knew the day would only get better from this moment on.

"Now then, let's see...Ah, yes. You'll be calling me 'Mistress' for the rest of the day, understand?" This made Fate flinch.  
"You're...kidding, right?" The blonde's eyes were pleading her 'Mistress', even though she knew from experience that once Nanoha got like that, there was no stopping her.  
"Nuh-uh." The brown haired girl was clearly enjoying the situation.  
"But...Nanoha!" Fate tried to voice her objections, but to no avail.  
"It's not Nanoha, is it?! It's 'Mistress', understand?"  
"..."  
"Say it."  
"..."  
"Fate-chan...Please?" Nanoha was suddenly looking at her friend with her 'puppy eyes'. Fate knew she was doomed. She'd never been able deny her friend when she made those kind of eyes. Not once. She sighed inwardly, trying to fight the embarrassment.

"Yes...Mistress."  
Nanoha's face instantly lit up.  
"Good girl." She patted the blonde's head slightly.

As they finally left the training area, together with Vita and Subaru, Fate had a very dark premonition. She considered running away, but then rejected the idea since it would make Nanoha sad and she didn't want that. She would just have to try to bear with it.

A subconscious sigh escaped Fate's lips.  
"Hm? Fate-chan, is something wrong?" Nanoha's concerned voice strengthened the blonde's resolve.  
"No, I'm fine." She flashed a warm smile to her friend.  
"Okay." Nanoha's voice regained it's cheeriness and she, too, gave a bright smile to her friend.  
_I guess this is not so bad._ Fate was now finally ready to accept her role for the day.

Of course, back then she had no idea of the things yet to come. If she had had, maybe she wouldn't have acted quite like she did. Or...perhaps she still would have.

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I finally put info on my current projects in my profile page. Although, there's not really much to tell. Ehheh...  
Oh, and...I wouldn't mind some **reviews**. Cough, cough.  
Thery're not necessary, of course, but getting **reviews** would help me motivate myself. Which would get YOU (readers) more to read in a shorter time. But it is up to you whether you **review** or not, not much I can do there.  
But yeah, if you're interested in what I'm currently working on, go check my profile.


	6. Once a Stalker

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

I was originally planning to make another 'Section Six Secrets', but instead ended up with something concerning Yuuno.  
Oh well.

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**Once a Stalker, always a...Ferret?  
**

The core of the Section Six, along with Yuuno, were having a little get-together at a small restaurant, and the talk somehow turned into the past.

"Say, Yuuno used to be all over Nanoha back in the old days, didn't he?"  
Hayate's cheery comment earned her - and the poor Yuuno – the undivided attention of the rest.

"Really? All over, you say."  
Signum didn't really sound interested, but still replied all the same for the sake of the conversation.

"Now that you mention it, I guess he was pretty clingy when it came to Nanoha."  
Fate's word made Yuuno blush slightly and speak up for his own defense.

"Hey, don't you think saying I was clingy is going a bit far?"

"Would you prefer to be called a stalker, then?"  
Hayate's voice was happy, and her eyes were fixed at her prey.

"Urk." Yuuno's expression was rewarded with giggles around the table.

"Stalker? He was?!"  
Vita's voice rose above the giggling. She sounded somewhat...angry.

"Yeah, he kept following her wherever she went. Didn't he, Nanoha-chan?"

"He sure did. Good thing he was so obvious it was almost impossible not to notice."  
Hayate and Fate nodded in agreement.

"About the only places he didn't follow me were the women's restroom and my apartment."  
Nanoha shivered at the memory a little.

"Actually, regarding that..."  
Yuuno's ominous voice and devious grin made the girls gasp.

"Oh no...you didn't?!"  
Somehow, Hayate managed to make it sound almost like she was complimenting Yuuno instead of reprimanding.

"You...Nanoha...even..."  
Fate's voice trailed off, and her face flushed bright red.

"Yuuno-kun, you...you really did it?!"  
Nanoha also blushed furiously, looking like she might actually throw her glass at the grinning Yuuno.

Before she could, however, another voice joined in.  
"What a perverted ferret."  
Suddenly, all the eyes in the table were over Vita. Hayate, proud;  
Nanoha&Fate, astounded; Signum, no change; Yuuno...offended.

"Well, at least I admit it openly."  
His eyes were glaring daggers towards the redheaded knight.

"And just what is that supposed to mean, huh?!?"  
Vita returned the glare with twice the malice.

"Heh...I wonder what indeed..."  
The slowly forming grin on Yuuno's face was even further provoking Vita, who had almost reached the point where 'Graf Eisen' would finally get to work outside the kitchen.

"Now, now, let's all get along, okay?"  
As always in such situations, Hayate was the one to play the role of the peacemaker. Of course, if you think about it, she was also the one to bring up topics that ended in fights in the first place.

"But-!"  
"No buts!"  
Vita's objections were quickly crushed by the head of the Section Six.  
"And you-! Wipe that grin off your face!"  
This was, of course, meant for Yuuno, who had a very ferret-like victory grin on his face.  
It didn't take even a second for the grin to disappear. In fact, it was gone so fast, it was like it had never been there.

And so the get-together continued in good spirits until late night. After that, the good spirits turned into bad ones and the get-together turned into a bloodbath. Everyone blamed Yuuno.

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Poor Yuuno, the scapegoat of Section Six when he's not even part of it. Must be tough...  
Well, someone has to do it. And Yuuno's just the type to be made into a scapegoat, no?


	7. Misinterpreted Prophecy

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

Well, this one's about a prophecy made by Carim, concerning the 'Nanoha-goes-and-almost-dies'-incident.  
I was pretty unsure about the idea of writing a prophecy, but it was also a lot of fun. Oh, and it might help if you've  
read my first fic here 'Crimson Phoenix', since this one's somewhat based on it. Although it is by no means necessary.

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**The Misinterpreted Prophecy**

During another get-together of Section Six's, this time including the forwards, while excluding Yuuno in their stead, yet another old topic surfaced.

"Hey, Nanoha-chan, Fate-chan, do you remember when I told you about that one prophecy of Carim's? The one concerning Nanoha-chan." Somehow, it always seemed to be Hayate who brought these things up.

"The one about the 'Crimson Phoenix', right? I remember it."  
Nanoha nodded at Fate's words, inclining she also remembered the said occasion.

The forwards, not having the slightest idea what their superiors were talking about, curiously jumped into the conversation.

"The 'Crimson Phoenix? Prophecy?"  
The forwards' voices joined together, and it was almost as if the four had suddenly become one.

"Ah, that's right. You guys don't know about it. You two don't mind if I tell them, right?"  
Hayate gave Nanoha and Fate a quick glance, and after sighting no objections, she continued to the forwards.

"The prophecy was made by Knight Carim of the Saint Church. Hers is the rare skill of foresight. Although, truth be told, the prophecies are not always quite clear, and more often than not almost impossible to comprehend."

The forwards were listening closely, while Nanoha and Fate who both already knew the story were more interested in their drinks than listening to Hayate.

"If I remember correctly, the prophecy went something like this."  
Hayate coughed, clearing her voice and then started reciting the prophecy.

"In a snowy grave of a planet, the broken phoenix shall fall down to it's demise, clothed in the colour of blood.  
This will be the starting point for all things to come, followed by the resurrection of what was thought lost.  
But fear not, for the time will come when the phoenix will claim back it's rightful place at the sky, guiding  
those in need with it's blinding radiance."

The forwards were clearly fascinated by what they had heard, and immediately started discussing the possible interpretations.  
Before they could come to any conclusions though, Hayate coughed again, returning the forwards' attention back to her.

"At the time, we thought the prophecy was meant for Reinforce, seeing how she'd been reborn as Reinforce Zwei.  
The 'snowy grave of a planet' didn't really make much sense, though. And by the 'resurrection of what was thought lost'  
we concluded it pointed at the return of the Belkan devices. As for the rest, it would've made perfect sense for Rein, too.  
She was still a newborn back then, so we thought maybe she would become crucial in the times to come. And as such...I guess we kind of pushed her too hard because of the prophecy..."

Rein, who had been silently listening to the story, sitting on Hayate's shoulder, finally opened her mouth.  
"Kind of?! I was put through a living hell because of that prophecy and it wasn't even about me!"  
The chibi shot a glare over at Nanoha, who apolotegically shrugged.

The heads of the forwards turned to their combat instructor.

"So, it was about Nanoha-san, then?"  
Erio, the only man-to-be in the group voiced the question that lingered in all their minds.

"That's right. Nanoha, the 'Crimson Phoenix' of the TSAB. Although that nickname is no longer being used, it was quite popular until a few years ago." Fate's explanation raised puzzled expressions on the forwards' faces.

"The 'Crimson Phoenix...is it?"  
This time, it was Teana that asked the question.

"Yes, the 'Crimson Phoenix'. Would you like to hear the story behind it?"  
There was no doubt Hayate was enjoying herself. Nanoha on the other hand was getting a bit nervous.  
She always felt embarrassed when someone brought that one story up. She just couldn't help it.

"Yes, ma'am."  
Again, the voice of the four came out as one. Perhaps it was the fruits of their extensive teamwork practice?

"Well, you see, it all started when..."  
As Hayate began her storytelling, effectively trapping the forwards in a world created by her words, Nanoha rose from  
the table to leave.

"You're not going to stay and listen, Nanoha?"  
Fate asked her friend, also standing up.

"Nah, I already know what happened. And...you know how I feel about listening to it."  
"Yeah."  
"And besides, I have work to do. Can't leave it all to Vita-chan, now can I?"  
"Well, actually you probably could. If you just asked, I'm sure she'd be willing to do it all for you."  
The girls smiled at this.  
"Well, I guess that's true, too. But I'd still feel bad about it."  
"I know."

None of the forwards even noticed when the two left. They were far too absorbed in Hayate's magical voice, the vivid world she was creating in their minds, to pay any heed to their surroundings. They didn't even notice the devilish grin that was forming on her pretty face. No, they never noticed it before it was too late...

That day was the first time the forwards experienced the horror known only as 'cosplay'. Although Caro rather seemed to like it, and was soon working together with Hayate to bring the ultimate terror upon the three unwilling victims. It was truly a tragic day.

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Ack...I can't believe I used Hayate's cosplay-maniac-mode...I was so trying so hard to avoid it, but it just...worked so well for the end I couldn't help myself. Oh well, I'll try to come up with something a bit more original for the next one. Can't promise anything, though.


	8. Section Six Secrets Part 2

(Funny?)Nanoha One Shots

Part Two of the Section Six Secrets. This time, we'll get to Caro's case. Kjeh kjeh kjeh...

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**Mobile Section Six's Secrets – Part 2 – The Master and Servant**

"Haahh..."  
It had been a tough day for the Mobile Section Six's forwards. They had been training and training, and were now lying on the ground, panting.

"Good work, everyone."  
As always, Nanoha didn't seem the slightest bit tired as she praised the forwards' efforts.

"T-thank you very much."  
The four somehow managed to find the air to respond.

"Hey, Nanoha, remember that thing I told you about this morning?"  
Vita floated down from the air, without a trace of exhaustion.

"Ah, that's right." She turned to the forwards.  
"Lately, there have been some cases where food has mysteriously disappeared from the kitchen during nights. We're going to investigate the matter, so if you see anything suspicious, report it at once."

"Y-yes, ma'am!"

Teana didn't seem bothered by the news, but both Subaru and Erio were clearly worried about the situation. Food thief meant less food for them. Suprisingly enough, Caro also had a concerned expression on her face.

During lunch, the talk in the forwards' table turned to the food thief issue.

"I can't believe someone's stealing from the kitchen. I sometimes get hungry at night, too, but that's why I keep snacks under my bed, just in case." This was, of course, said by the ever-clever Subaru.

"Idiot. Not everyone's like you. If it was a simple matter of keeping snacks, there would be no thievery." Like always, it was Teana's job to put Subaru in her place.

"But why would someone go so far as to steal from the kitchen?"  
Erio's comment made Caro fidget uncomfortably.

"Uh...Um...I-I'm sure whoever it is, there must be a reason."  
Everyone turned to look at Caro, who seemed to be taking the talk a bit too personally.

"Sure. A reason. Maybe our thief is taking care of ten, no twenty, orphans on his own, and lost his job which was his only source of income. And now he has to steal the food or the poor kids would starve to ddeath. Something like that?"  
Teana's voice was full of sarcasm, though she might've wanted to make a bit more clear...just in case.

"Eh-? Really? Is that why he's stealing food? Oh, I feel so sorry for him."  
Subaru, as per usual, was totally oblivious to the true meaning of Teana's words. And as usual, this earned her a hit to the head.

"Ouch-! Why'd you hit me?"  
"Idiot! Who'd buy a story like that?! You need to grow up!" Teana was gritting her teeth, holding back the urge to hit the overly naive girl again.

"Eh-?"  
"Um...I think she was just being sarcastic." Erio explained the situation to the clueless Subaru.  
"So...The thief's not feeding dozens of orphans with the food he steals?"  
"Of course not!"

During the whole arguing, Caro had not said a word. Not that it was anything new, though, for she was a quiet girl. But this time, there was something else to it. Something all of the other forward's magnificently managed to miss.

That night, Nanoha was patrolling the area near the kitchen when she heard something. Careful not to make any noise, she slowly crept towards the voice.

"We can't do this, Fried! Nanoha-san said they would investigate it. We'll be caught!"  
Nanoha recognized that voice. She knew it, yet she still had trouble believing it.

_Why would she...?_

"Kyuu, kyuu!"

_Ah, that's..._

"But-!" Caro tried to object, but was quickly cut off.

"Kyu! Kyu, kyuu!"

"J-just this once, then. This is the last night. Understand?"

"Kyuu." The dragon sounded satisfied.

Following the two from the shadows, Nanoha was going over what she had just heard. _It sounded like Friedrich was **making **Caro come...But what gives?_

They had arrived at the kitchen. Right when Caro opened the fridge, Nanoha stepped in. "Okay, that's enough."

Caro froze in place. She knew that voice, and it was the one she had been half expecting. That didn't make actually hearing it any easier though. The fridge's door was slowly closed.

"Well then, would you care to tell me what's going on here, Caro?" She didn't sound angry, but Caro was still afraid to turn face her. But seeing no escape she finally turned around trying to come up with an excuse.

"Uh-um...this is...um...that is..." The girl was starting to panic, knowing she might even get expelled for something like this.

"Just tell me why. I think I have a pretty good idea from listening to the two of you on the way here, though." This came as a suprise to Caro. She hadn't known they'd been followed. But since the cat was already out of the bag, Caro thought she might as well give a full confession.

"U-um...Well, it is like...Friedrich and I are like partners, right? And, and...it just wouldn't work in battle if we both acted on our own, so...so we came up with an idea, or...well, Fried did." Nanoha was listening closely while keeping her eyes on the little dragon.

"And so...We kind of...alternate between who gets to be the 'master' and give orders and such...And it's Fried's turn this month and...I told him we shouldn't, but he...he wouldn't listen. He said it would be okay, and..." Caro was beginning to get hysterical.

"Okay, that's quite enough. It's not your fault, Caro. Although, I'd like you to be a little firmer about such things. Even if you let him play the 'master' every now and then, you can't just let him do whatever he likes."

"Uh-okay. T-thank you, Nanoha-san." Caro's face lit up as she realized she wouldn't be expelled.

"Kyuu, ky-kyuuu!" Friedrich bowed as if to apologize. Something flashed on Caro's face so fast it was impossible for Nanoha to make out what it had been.

"Oh, he said he doesn't need to listen to 'an old hag who doesn't even know how to teach'." Caro turned so Nanoha couldn't see her face and winked to Fried.

Friedrich's jaw dropped on Caro's translation and it started shaking furiously, feeling Nanoha's stare on it. Slowly, very slowly, it turned towards the Ace of Aces of the TSAB, and immediately regretted doing so.

"A-a-an o-o-old h-h-h-h-hag?!?! T-t-that d-does it! I'm going to make toast out of you! Raising Heart!" She pointed her device on the little, terrified, flying dragon.

**[May I, Master?**

"D-di-div-div-divine-!"

**[Divine Buster.**

"F-f-fi-fir-!"

**[Fire!**

The following explosion took out Friedrich, half the kitchen and Hayate's private garden outside.

The next day, Hayate woke half of Section Six with her screaming after she found out what had happened to her garden. After learning about Nanoha's reasoning, though, she concluded that Friedrich was entirely to blame.

As such, it was decided that Caro and Friedrich, after recovering, would be in charge of the construction of Hayate's new garden. One that would be about ten times bigger than the original.

Even so, to Caro, it had been worth it.

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Already the 8th Chapter here. Wonder how many there will be...  
Anyhow, look forward to the next one. (No, I don't have the slightest clue as to what it will be about.)


	9. Hot Springs

(Funny?) Nanoha One Shots

**Rated M  
Contains shoujo-ai**

Ahem, yes, this one is actually rated M (Blame Signum). But since (so far) it's only one, I don't feel like changing  
the whole rating to M. Of course, if I should add more M-rated ones, then I'll probably have to change  
the overall rating as well. However, with a clear warning right here, there shouldn't be any problems.

This is actually the first M-rated one that I've ever written...But after I had the idea, it was the only way to go.  
That's just the way it goes. Anyhow, enjoy.

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**Hot Springs:**

"Aaaah..." The sigh of relief was a somewhat unusual sight, coming from the red headed (mini)knight.  
Naturally, the circumstances weren't all that usual either.

After all, it must have been the first for Vita to visit the hot springs during her whole life which,  
suffice to say, had been quite long despite her young appearence.

Of course, it hadn't been **her** idea, but she'd be damned if she didn't take the most out it now that she was here.  
Which was precisely the reason why she had been soaking in the outdoor bath for hours now,  
ever since they had arrived at the Broken Willow Inn.

'They' were, of course, Hayate's personal elite unit, the Wolkenritter.

Suprisingly, Hayate herself was not with the her knights. She had said she had 'something' to do,  
shoving free tickets to hot the springs into Shamal's hands.

Signum and Vita had, at first, resisted, but Shamal had been adamant and so here they were now.

Vita didn't know where the others were, nor did she really care. The warm spring water was softly caressing her skin,  
a sensation like none she had ever known.

Her only complaint was that Nanoha, the one person she had really wanted to spend time with, was not there.  
But even so, Vita was more than satisfied with the situation.

Hearing a loud voice call out, "Hey, Vita! So this is where you were," awakened Vita's mind.  
She had fallen asleep without even noticing it.

Good thing she had been leaning against one of the many rocks within the hot spring,  
otherwise she might've had a nasty experience of nearly drowning.

Turning towards the way where the voice had come from Vita found, to her displeasure,  
Signum standing there looking down at her, naked.

Vita's eyes were, for a reason unknown to her, immediately drawn to the other's rather well endowed chest area.

When Signum noticed this, a smirk formed on her face causing Vita to blush slightly and  
turn her eyes away from the other.

"W-what do you want?!" The red knight blurted angrily in an attempt to conceal her embarrassment.  
Signum merely snorted at her, "Well, well, what do you think I came to the hot springs for, hmm?"

This made Vita's face grow even redder, and she turned to face away from Signum, quietly mumbling to herself.

After turning away, she heard a splash indicating that Signum had, indeed, entered the water.  
That, and she was also making her way towards where Vita was.

Feeling a chill run down her spine, despite the fact she was in a hot spring, she turned back  
to find the towering figure of Signum right in front of her.

A suprised yelp escaped Vita's lips, and Signum used the chance to steal away the towel  
the smaller girl had wrapped around her. "Oh? What's this, Vita? We're in hot springs here, so no towels!"

With a flip of her hand, Signum threw the soaking towel out of the spring and into the showering platform.

Vita's face blushed bright red, and she tried to cover herself with her arms while yelling at Signum,  
"Wha-what's wrong with having a towel!? Give it back!"

Signum didn't answer, but a devious smile rose to her lips and a predatory glint appeared at her eyes.  
For the first time in her life, Vita felt endangered.

She tried backing away from Signum, but the rock she had been leaning against was obstructing her way.  
Panicking, she dashed to the right, trying to get as far away from Signum as possible.

But Signum had been expecting such a move. With a voracious hiss, she leapt at the smaller girl, seizing her from behind.  
Her fingers ran across Vita's skin while she softly blowed on her ear, "Phoo!"

"Hiya!" Vita squeaked, trying to escape the other's grasp but to no avail. She was trapped and at the other one's mercy.  
The fingers kept crawling over her skin, sending strange, electric sensations all over her body.

"My, my...Aren't you a sensitive one" Signum teased Vita whose breathing had started becoming heavier.  
The red haired girl shook her head in denial, "S-Signum! S-stop it! I-!" Before she could finish, she was interrupted  
by Signum's tongue that traced a line on her neck, "Ah-! Kyaaa!"

Signum's tongue and fingers were making a short work of Vita whose mind was already becoming hazy  
from all the new sensations she was feeling. Even her objections were growing ever weaker,  
and were soon replaced by uncontrollable moans.

"Aa-aaahh...S-Signum, I-I feel...weird. What's...happening to me?" The question was asked in a weak voice,  
with a slight hint of curiousity in it. Signum's smile broadened, and she answered in a sweet voice,  
"You're feeling it, Vita-chan. You're feeling it, and you like it."

Vita seemed shocked by Signum's words, and a part of her usual willfulness returned to her.  
Shaking her head, not so much to deny the other's words as to clear her own head, she tried to stand up to Signum,  
"That's-That's not it! I'm...I'm not-!" but was once again disrupted by Signum's skillful fingers and the sudden insertion  
of her tongue to Vita's ear, which caused her to literally jump.

After that, it didn't take long for Vita to submit to Signum's caressing, give in to the pleasure.  
Even when the other's fingers strayed down to the area between her thighs, her objections we're  
quickly drowned in the sea of pleasure.

Then, as abruptly as she had started, Signum stopped. Vita, still in the throes of passion,  
was puzzled by the sudden change inquiring, "Signum?" A brief silence followed the question,  
and then the fingers started moving again, only slower than before.

"Vita-chan..." the soft whisper in her ear made Vita shiver, were it because of excitement,  
expectation or something totally different. With her mind floating in the clouds,  
Vita could only nod slightly to get Signum to continue, "Would you...do me a little favour?"  
She softly blowed to the smaller girl's ear.

"Y-yeah..." If it had been under normal circumstances, Vita would **never **have agreed to anything asked by Signum,  
much less without knowing what it was she was agreeing to.

However, as she was, Vita was not thinking clearly,  
her mind clouded by the new pleasure Signum had introduced her to.

"Promise?" Signum's voice was practically dripping with honey, or rather, poison,  
and her fingers were making sure that Vita wouldn't be able to deny her.

After a while with no answer from Vita, she stopped her fingers once more and asked in a firm voice,  
"Vita-chan?!" managing to pull enough of Vita's concentration back to get her answer, "Y-yeah...I p-promise."

Having gotten what she wanted, Signum released Vita from her grip,  
which caused the red knight to fall against the nearby rock, exhausted.

With a small wave of her hand, Signum exited the spring saying, "Thanks, Vita. And don't forget your promise."

Hearing the door slam shut after Signum finally cleared Vita's mind. With a shocked expression,  
she turned to look at the now closed door, through which Signum had disappeared just moments ago.

"Wait a- Did I-? She didn't just-?!" The moment her mind registered what had just happened,  
her face flushed a shade of dark red, clenched her fists and she shrieked at the top of her lungs,  
"SIGNUM!!!!!"

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I always enjoy thinking up unique pairings, so I just had to write one with a little Signum/Vita.  
Sure, this one's not actually very serious, but it made me think what kind of a couple those two would make.  
I mean, it could work. Behind all that arguing (Although that was actually mostly in A's...) they know and trust each other.  
It might be interesting to write a serious romance story about those two, but I think I'll pass on that. At least for now.  
Next, I'd like to write about...Nanoha/Hayate, perhaps? Although it would probably also be a one shot.


End file.
